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Day 30
Let me tell you, 30 days ago I never thought I'd make it here! I had just spent another weekend gambling away money I didn't have. That last weekend I lost $1700, not an overly huge number, I'd won and lost more on weekends but in this particular instance I had boxed myself into a […]

Let me tell you, 30 days ago I never thought I'd make it here! I had just spent another weekend gambling away money I didn't have. That last weekend I lost $1700, not an overly huge number, I'd won and lost more on weekends but in this particular instance I had boxed myself into a corner. I have shit credit so my lending options weren't huge but anyone who had been willing to give me $1000-$2500 in the previous 6 weeks, I had taken to cover losses. I got to the point where half of my paycheck is being deducted every 2 weeks to pay off these loans. That final Sunday night when all the dust had settled and I lost everything again, I didn't want to face anything or anyone. I was so ashamed of myself, my choices. I have 3 kids, 12, 8, and 3. How could I face them? I wanted to just die and truthfully that morning after as I was driving to work, I thought about just driving in front of a semi and ending it all, that seemed way less painful then facing this issue head on. What ultimetley made me decide against it was the pain I would cause my kids, my loved ones, I never want to causse pain and grief in those peoples lives, even if it meant I had to face the music. I was unwilling to accept this as my fate. Later that day, you know what I did, I told someone about my problems, my struggles. I talked to my family, my GF and we started on a plan to beat this once and for all. I handed over my cards to my GF, I closed all of my gambling accounts, I closed my Paypal and Venmo accounts (those methods are how I settled up at the end of the week), for the first time in the history of ever, I actually put barriers up to protect me from me. Let me tell you, 30 days later I couldn't be happier. Do I still have money struggles to due my gambling addicition, of course. That was a realization I had last week, just because I'm making good choices and not gambling, doesn't mean that I can wave a magic wand and make all the consequences dissapear. But I am not still adding to it, I'm not waking up on Monday, stressed beyond belief wondering how I am going to come up with the money to cover this weeks losses. I have always had a good job but am still deeply in the hole and recently took on a 2nd job to help get me out of debt faster. In about 30 days I will get a bonus from work and my tax return and that will allow me to pay off all the bi-weekly loans that are killing me currently. Things are 1000x better than they were 30 days ago and 30 days from now, they'll be even better. It's a nice feeling to finally feel free of this addicition that had a stranglehold on me for so long. You guys can do this, I've tried before and failed but when I started doing what members of this community had previosuly suggested i.e. barriers and opening up to family, it really made all the difference in the world. ONE DAY AT A TIME, WE GOT THIS! submitted by /u/jmorrison10607 [comments]
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